A Hypothetical

(Or, if Jay McInerney had a Shoe Thing.)

Here you go again, you ordered two pairs of shoes online.  You probably spent more than you should have.  Your plan was to keep one and return the other.  You told yourself no way you could decide which one to get without trying them both on.  Maybe model them for the dog with various outfits.  Or whatever it is you do.  So, now they have arrived, and (anyone could have predicted this) you like them both.  No one could blame you.  Just look at them:

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It’s id versus super-ego.  Goliath versus David.  So, we’ll decide here if you get to keep both:

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Rocking it Kindergarten Style

Self-portrait today.  Could be worse.

Self-portrait today. Could be worse.

So young.  So innocent.  So freaking cute.

So young. So innocent. So freaking cute.

Talk about an immutable sense of style.  Check out the pin in today’s outfit and in my Kindergarten school photo.  (Try to focus on the pin and not how dang adorable I once was.)  This little gem came from Avon circa 1970, but it’s not too late to snare your own.  Not just for looks, it’s practical, too — there’s a glace of perfume inside the head.  Just flip up the face, apply, and you’re ready for date night!  Sadly, the pin I’m sporting today is not the same one from Kindergarten.  The replacement is from Succotash in St. Paul.  You should go there.  The cool dress is from Lula.

A Body at Rest

Embraces inertia.

Even at work, this coat makes me happy.

Not that Newton’s theory of motion has been in dispute, but I certainly have re-proved it.  That I haven’t been able to roust myself to post my outfits in over a month doesn’t mean they weren’t cute outfits.  (They were cute, all right.)  And it definitely wasn’t that I was too busy with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  (I eschew both hustle and bustle.)  No, the issue is lack of wit and pith.  Hey, you try being funny about your dress a few times a week, and see how easy it is.  Anyway, I’m breaking my inertia today; hell be damned if this post isn’t funny or meaningful.  So, here I am in an awesome vintage (I think from the 60s) dress with those suede boots I’m so fond of.  And an AMAZING vintage sherling coat with mink collar and cuffs.  Swoon.  Everything from Lula, including the necklace and belt.

Ladies Love Cool Fishnets

Dwarfing the lilliputian office furniture. 

No apparent tummy control in fishnets.

You may not notice it, but I am wearing some pretty awesome fishnet hose today.  Don’t you wish your lawyer wore fishnets?  Ok, maybe not, especially if he is a dude.  But, there is no disputing they look pretty good with this fantastic 60s shift dress (from Lula — looks Burberry-esque, but it’s not) and AGL boots.  I had planned to include a close-up of my legs in the fishnets, but that gave pause to even me.  So, no.  You’ll have to take my word for it.

Good Guys Finish First.

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It’s 1976 up in here today.  That was a good year.  The bicentennial and all that.  And, freaking Charlie’s Angels fighting crime in their pant suits and heels!  Be honest, can’t you see Farrah or Jaclyn rocking this bad ass, red leather vintage trench?  Underneath the killer coat, perhaps this v-neck, also from the 70s.  Actually, it would be Kate that would wear the sweater since she was the sporty one.  Either way, I am feeling it.  I might sleep in this coat tonight, I love it so.  Coat and v-neck from Lula Vintage Wear.

How You Like Me Again?

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Is there less zeal for vintage when you wore it the first go-around?  Stated differently, when you are old enough to remember the many lambswool sweaters you wore in the 80s, can you still find joy in wearing this lambswool sweater from the 80s?  Answer: resounding yes.  And, unlike the 80s, I did not style this lambswool number with multiple strands of fake pearls in a sort of homage to Madonna.  (It must have been my churchy upbringing that caused me to substitute pearls for crucifixes.  The same reason I never touched my Ouija board post-Exorcist.)  That can only be a good thing.  Of course, in the 80s, I was not rocking awesome suede boots by Stuart Weitzman, either.  Boom!, as my fashion friend, Erin, would say.

The Parable of the Mustard Dress

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On the short list of ways I like yellow mustard (spread on my annual footlog hot dog at the Minnesota State Fair and for dipping French fries), I now add this spectacular, mod ’60s dress.  In fact, it’s Number 1 on the list.  Note the chevron stripe-like stitching on the bodice and the cool stand-up collar, which reminds me not a little of the collar on the winning dress from Project Runway earlier this season.  And, by way of a universal truth, which every parable must illustrate, mustard (as a color, not as a dipping sauce) is tres a la mode for fall.  If you have any doubt, check out the raft of mustard-colored dresses for the picking on Polyvore.  Plus, it’s very Megan Draper, which calls for another picture of Don.