A Hypothetical

(Or, if Jay McInerney had a Shoe Thing.)

Here you go again, you ordered two pairs of shoes online.  You probably spent more than you should have.  Your plan was to keep one and return the other.  You told yourself no way you could decide which one to get without trying them both on.  Maybe model them for the dog with various outfits.  Or whatever it is you do.  So, now they have arrived, and (anyone could have predicted this) you like them both.  No one could blame you.  Just look at them:

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It’s id versus super-ego.  Goliath versus David.  So, we’ll decide here if you get to keep both:

Snarky Sunday.

Turning from my usual gushing over (mostly my own) clothes, let’s discuss something I hate. The contemptible Ralph Lauren.  There is no more tired re-tread out there.  Look for example at the schlock this guy calls his spring collection.  The whole thing looks like the runway show from the first episode of any season of Project Runway.  It’s mostly crap.  I mean, are you going to wear this stupid little hat on the street?

Just plain stupid.

Just plain stupid.

Or, leave the house in this asinine bullfighter get-up?

Gore or be gored, preferably the latter.

Gore or be gored, preferably the latter.

Or wear this anywhere, whatever it is?

Would rather chew off arm than wear this.

Of course not.  Your mama didn’t raise an idiot.


Right now I am obsessing about two women and their clothes.  They couldn’t be more different from one another, starting with the not unimportant distinction that one is real and the other pure fiction.   Today: the real one.  Ooh, teaser!  The fictional one awaits another day.

So, here it is: Michelle Obama.  Number 1, let’s get the new bangs out of the way.  At first, they seemed a little drag-queenie (they give new meaning to “heavy bangs”), but it didn’t take long before I was thinking: Bangs: perfect accessory to red Jason Wu.  Plus, with the amazing things she wore yesterday for the Inauguration, all focus — for me anyway — was below the neck.  I mean, check out the fantastic Thom Browne coat!  (The Reed Krakoff boots do not suck, either.)  Frankly, it’s the first Thom Browne women’s wear I’ve seen and, as far as I’m concerned, he should immediately abandon his prissy, shrunken men’s wear and focus on making dresses like this!

Before I go, let’s give equal time to the Inaugural dudes.  Not Barack or Lunch-Bucket-Joe, but a guy with real money: Jay-Z killed it in his Tom Ford suit!  Please, men of the world, dress like this.  And, while I wear fur every freaking chance it get, do not, I repeat, do not rock this look.

Rocking it Kindergarten Style

Self-portrait today.  Could be worse.

Self-portrait today. Could be worse.

So young.  So innocent.  So freaking cute.

So young. So innocent. So freaking cute.

Talk about an immutable sense of style.  Check out the pin in today’s outfit and in my Kindergarten school photo.  (Try to focus on the pin and not how dang adorable I once was.)  This little gem came from Avon circa 1970, but it’s not too late to snare your own.  Not just for looks, it’s practical, too — there’s a glace of perfume inside the head.  Just flip up the face, apply, and you’re ready for date night!  Sadly, the pin I’m sporting today is not the same one from Kindergarten.  The replacement is from Succotash in St. Paul.  You should go there.  The cool dress is from Lula.

A Body at Rest

Embraces inertia.

Even at work, this coat makes me happy.

Not that Newton’s theory of motion has been in dispute, but I certainly have re-proved it.  That I haven’t been able to roust myself to post my outfits in over a month doesn’t mean they weren’t cute outfits.  (They were cute, all right.)  And it definitely wasn’t that I was too busy with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  (I eschew both hustle and bustle.)  No, the issue is lack of wit and pith.  Hey, you try being funny about your dress a few times a week, and see how easy it is.  Anyway, I’m breaking my inertia today; hell be damned if this post isn’t funny or meaningful.  So, here I am in an awesome vintage (I think from the 60s) dress with those suede boots I’m so fond of.  And an AMAZING vintage sherling coat with mink collar and cuffs.  Swoon.  Everything from Lula, including the necklace and belt.